Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
