My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
