so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
