I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
