I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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