im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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