i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
