is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
