After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i drank out of a bidet.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
