I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
