The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
