If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
