You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
