how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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