i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
