you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I party with great urgency now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
