I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
