Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
