I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
