You can't special order awesome
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
