Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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