I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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