My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
