awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
