Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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