dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
