I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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