duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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