no, he came in my armpit
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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