Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
