Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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