I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
