The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
