I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
