just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
