saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
