Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
