So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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