I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
