Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
