It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
