Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
