Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
