When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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