I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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