Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
