i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
