Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
