the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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