I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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